How Do I Know...?

How do I know that I still love you? I listen to my heart, my mind, and my conscience. I see the way that I act around you. I understand that I am now giving you signals for you to act upon. I act foolishly around because I'm too busy listening to what you have to say to worry about myself. I lose my cool very easily and expect the rest of the world to know that, that is how I normally act. I expect no one to notice how i currently feel, and that somehow you'd uncover my secret all on your own. I understand that I can be irrational, and that your intelligence is no better than mine. I know that we are all just mere humans trying to get loved in this world. We all have our flaws, however I know I love you, when your flaws become your most charming characteristics. I know that I like you when I see the opposite of what the world sees. I know I like you when all I think about is you, and that dreaming of you gives me goosebumps. I know I love you when all I talk about is you. Also whenever I talk of you, all that comes out of my mouth are good things. I know I like when my family is tired of hearing your name from my lips. I know that I like you when all I sing about is how much I like you. When the world is rough, and all I hear is your voice it gives chills and that's how I know I love you.
How do I know I am over you? Easy...my mind is clear from the pain you caused me. My heart no longer beats for you, and I recover from your absences rather quickly. Your voice is no longer appealing to me, I no longer desire to be around you. Your jokes are not that funny anymore. I do not desire your constant attention. In fact all I want is to get away from you. I don't think you are that intelligent. I apologize for any offence made. I begin to realize that you are not worthy of being in my presence. Talking to you becomes an insult to my intelligence. Okay so maybe the last sentence may not be true. I do not dream of kissing you by the beach as the tides come in. I do not think of us as soul mates anymore. I do not believe that you were created to be my knight in shining armor. In fact I don't think you'd even qualify as a knight. Your flaws become apparent. You begin to seem more and more ignorant to me by the minute. I tend to talk to you less and less if I decide to be nice. Entertaining you is the last thing on my mind. I accept that you have moved on, and I even think your girlfriend is nice. Basically I just want to be your friend. I will treat you the same as everyone else, and I even will accept the fact that you may have a crush on my little sister. Who can blame you? You don't know what you are getting into? However if she likes you back I can't blame her either. You're not that bad, now that I think of it. You're ok...you just need guidance half the time.

Maybe I'm Still Hooked...

I don't know....lately I've had a lot of people coming up to me asking why I act the way I do. Not all the time just around some people. Ok, maybe not some people just one person. But it's not like I make it obvious. It's not a crush, it's more like a disgust for this person. I don't like arrogant people. Especially when they don't have a goal for themselves. Then again I might be jumping to conclusions. I don't know much about this guy. All I know is that he and I are not as tight as we used to be. He changed a lot, I am not fond of the new him. He's a great guy, and very funny. But somewhere along the way we have become separate people. I don't talk to him unless I have to, and he does the same. He's a great teacher and he's very polite. He is lazy and spoiled however. And his lack of interest to his own culture is unlike any other. I am not fond of him. It started one night, when he decided to prove his coolness. He decided that he was ghetto enough to started cussing, or if I'm overexaggerating, he started to say some vulgar words. Either way if his mom was around he wouldn't have said those words. I hate the fact that he then chooses to make fun of me when I asked him not to say those words. I do not apreciate anyone who chooses not to respect. When I tell my mom about this she says it's because I don't respect myself enough to make people respect. Supposedly this should happen by the way that I dress. I do not like to conform to the rules of society. I enjoy being different. As long as it doesn't turn me into a prostitute, I'm good. But that's besides the point. I thought that maybe I acted this way because I may have had some leftover feelings for him. But this is just ridiculous. And if it was, I refuse to let anyone walk over me like a doormat. I love my mom to death, but this is where I draw the line. Admitting or wanting to like someone like him, would mean that I would do the same mistakes my mother once did. I will not let anyone disrespect me at all. It's true that I am teased and I have been teased my whole life. I know when to take a joke, I joke with myself all the time. But in this aspect of my life I am not my mother, and it is impossible for anyone to take advantage of me because of my emotions. So as to whether or not I like him, it's a no. I'm not so easily fooled. Besides I should never let people tell me how to act in order to impress a guy, he should be impressing me right? It's crazy how strong people think you are, by how much you do. Yet at the same time most people think you are too weak despite of how much you do. Most people do not know how to converse, myself included. It is sad. I think that may be why that guy and I never have anything nice to say to each other.

Everything has a Things With a String Attached

Every action that we make has a chain reaction in our lives and those around us. Because of social status I can either help or break someone's chance of success in this lifetime. We live in a world where we must work together to allow the unfortunate to succeed. However this is not often possible because what I want isn't always what you want. We all want to be looked at, and be recognize for our good deeds. We don't desire the spotlight everyday of our lives or else we wouldn't be accomplishing these lifetime achievement that can impact oh so many lives. What works for me may not always be what works for you. We always want to do the right thing, but sometime the right thing is to be a little selfish. And here lies the question, how much selfishness can one possess before becoming a self-absorbed monster? The fact remains that just because we give a little does not mean that we help a little. Sometimes a simple lie can destroy a generation in a family, and future generation will hence be affected. If we do not obey our parents, and instead we listen to our hearts concerning a loved one, that could cause the eternal happiness between two people. Just because we are humans does not mean that we are all created the same. We have different temperament, we snap at different times. We allow ourselves to mature at different times for various reason. While the self-absorbed teen is continuously working on a plan to save the world, the world perishes as more time is lost. It is true that we can all make a difference in this world, whether for good or bad is our choice. However, let's not forget that we can also leave a mark for our children to follow, whether good or bad it will still impact the world.

The Goddess

She is wrapped in gold, with diamonds in her hair. She lives in with the upper class and is satisfied with nothing less. She is exquisitely too beautiful to be seen in the flesh. Her beauty stops the hearts of the mortals, and the touch from her hands softens the roughest hands of a carpenter. She speaks with wisdom, inspires others to achieve their no matter what the cost is. She will go to deepest oceans to seek for the happiness of others, and still her garments will not get wet nor dirty. She admires the children of innocence and looks up to the children of hardship. She does not realize she has become the gem found among the straws, or the perfect pearl the pirates seek at the bottom pit of the sea. She has flies like an eagle and accomplishes the works of her elders. She tackles all challenges and will not take defeat as an option. She is the ultimate icon with the most humility. She seems too perfect to be real according to the human eye. She counts her flaws as any human would. She demands perfection and becomes depressed when excellence is not achieved. She cries in her own little corner, so others will not be sadden by her tears. But once she leaves her corner, she becomes happy again ready to serve others around her. She does not put on a show, despite her insecurities she remains faithful to herself entirely. She worships the one she adores; the ultimate God too great for her. She does her best to listen to the wise, and seeks not the advices of the fool. She remains patient in her every tasks, and makes sure that they are completed. She can be very passionate, and when she does her fury is like a sapphire. It burns the eyes of the other jewels around her. She can be as calm as a pearl, round, soft and meek. She can also wake up a diamond, but that won't be until she finds her prince. Until then she remains the queen of her universe. She was, is and will be loved by all those around her. And beside you already know this goddess. She is the lady beside you in the elevator. When all is calm she will smile and say hello. She is the one in the bus who will lend you her seat just to be sweet. She is the one sometimes that you either forget two seconds after you've seen her. Just because she is not that important to you at first. But then later on you see her and you get that feeling that you've seen before but you can't pin point it. Either that or she the girl you can't get out of your head, for some reason you keep her in your mind for no reason. She only leave you with two symptoms. So next time you see her tell her I said hi, she will appreciate it, and you will have a new friend.

Confidence

What is confidence? Is it the attitude that we carry when we see old friends and new enemies? IF that's the case then that hypocrisy to yourself. I think in this world we are so wrapped up trying to find ourselves, that we lose ourselves. Everyone has a distinct individuality, they possess something unlike any other. I'm not talking about that 0.1% in our genome that makes us different. I mean our gifts and/or talents. That spontaneous side of us that catches us off guard if we don't pay attention. I believe that by living like it's meant to be lived you will find yourself and the true friends around you. Personally I can say that a lack of confidence has kept me from being true to myself, and my standards. I am a woman of class, i don't belong in the welfare society, i hav nothing against welfare. But sometimes i need to re-evaluate my standards, actually a lot of the time. I now know that what is within me can not be shaken off, mostly because i don't want to lose my individuality, or maybe my childhood. I like to pretend what i want to be in the future. I like to think, act, talk and walk like i am better than what i currently, coz dat's what i want to be. then again a friend told me i need to be satisfied being alone, being me and no one else. In other words to thine own self be true, as shakespeare once said. Basically, lack of confidence or self-trust can seem as a lack of identity and where we fit in this world. Even when our place has been handed down to us on a silver platter for unknown reasons. I know where I belong, I know who I am but now I wish that I would be confident in my works that I would not disappoint the creator, the master of my destiny.