How is this fair?
I know that I should be ecstatic, and part of me is but the other half of me feels like crap. This feels like I did something wrong in the worst. It makes no sense. I should be happy. But I'm not. It's like so frustrating. I want events in my life that I cannot have. But at the same time some of them I try to repel. This is so confusing. I should be trying to find myself and in finding myself I'm confusing. I shouldn't be having this much fun with people my own age. Age shouldn't be a factor. I should be having this much fun with my church people. And I'm not and this is so frustrating because they are at a different level, a different phase in their lives. This is so unfair. I didn't get the job I wanted but that's a different story. Or maybe that's why I feel so crappy. They shouldn't make you feel like you got the job and when they don't expect to call you back. There should be a law against. Putting peoples hopes up for no reason. It's not fair. Then again life is not fair. But I do know that Jesus is fair. He puts justice where there is injustice and fairness where there unfairness. I know there is something better in store when it comes to jobs so I won't worry. I hope that those who got the job will be grateful and will enjoy like I would've. Either way, I feel so much better now. I still wish sometimes that I would hang out with my sister like we use to, but we can't. We're at two different stages. Those I hang out with are into science and I'm hoping that will change. I'll make more friends this year and get more out of life this time. Things will be fun. My source of fun will be out of church and my house. Things will be different.
posted by Dutchess at
10:18 PM
2 Comments:
First off, forget everyone else. you have a sense of what you are. people can change it but you duty is to realise what it is you strive to be. I think you should cast offf your definitions of church people and friends. lump them all into the same batch of "people you know, and love." I think you'll find that religion doesn't always provide the best people to deal with. Friends don't either. You've really got to be willing to build your world from the best you have around you, regardless of where they've come from. I've found that the best people can come from anywhere. you should stick to your ideals and that's all that really matters, as your ideals will change, and the friends you've built around them will change too. Really, stick to your core, and it will lead you to where you need to be. God loves you, but does not, necessicerily care about those who profess love.
What's going on with you, as it's been a while since you posted.
thank you for caring. i didn't realize people were actually reading this. I am feeling better, and things are in fact a whole lot better.
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