Lovely

It's crazy how the person who can explain the best is the one you fear the most. Today my sunday school class was about to talk about the rapture and next thing you know we're talking about marriage. Being raised in a single parent family does not provide me with the necessary tools to meet a man without scaring him away. Especially with my nature, for I am the type of girl who will tell it like it is, of course being mindful of other people's most of the time. I am confident with what I know, but when you don't know then you can't do anything. Of course at this point in time I just shut down to prevent myself from getting hurt. I had certain beliefs of how love was supposed to be like and while everyone keeps saying that it is not how it is no one really told me how it was supposed to be like. My mother never had another healthy when it came relationship. She never could keep a man, I'm not saying she was a bad girlfriend it's just that she never really taught nor showed what love was supposed to look like. So I ceased seeking for her counsel. It's not like she could tell me how to love for I don't think she knew how to love. Her parents never really had a relationship despite the fact that they are still married. It's weird. So my Pastor decides to teach sunday school and for the first time concerning marriage I actually understand the concept of true love. Married couple are supposed to love one another whether or not the infatuation still lives. One must be able to love and think straight; also once in love, your love should not diminish but establish a new found as you discover life together. I understood the concept of dating. However it is true dating one-on-one is not a good way to get to know someone, unless you want to know the phony side. Also you want a friend to be your life-long mate not some stranger you're in and out love with. With all of this I feel that maybe my priorities when it comes to picking a man needs a change. Based on myself I know what I need to survive. Maybe he won't be good-looking and he maybe have a few flaws but I do know that God will not send someone that will totally throw me off.

Tried so now I'm tired.

I tried to put up with it, tried to handle it, but all i get is the same old. It's so annoying. I really am trying to make this work, I am. I have two jobs, the world thinks I am crazy to even be attempting this. But I love to be busy, but I hate being taken advantage of. I know the rules of this game, and even if I didn't I would fool you and say I did. I hate it when people take advantage of me like I'm some kind of idiot. I do not need anything that is freely given to me, unless given to me by God. But other wise do not treat like a fool. I am not some slave you bought off the market. I am worth a lot more than that. I create life's most needed leisures. I am not some creature to be ignored and laughed at. I have said before and I'll say it again. I do not need friends a clique to validate me and I do not need friends to strengthen. My family is all I need to get by. I am comfortable being by myself and most of the time I am happy by myself. The vanities of this world are not a necessity in my life. No one pays my bills except for me, when I borrow I have to give it back I do it all on my own. When I work, I work by myself. When I get up in the morning and head off to school or work I do that by myself. I motivate myself to get myself out of bed. So do not act like I need you because in reality you need me that's why you keep calling me back. I may seem cocky and a bit too confident, you may even say that I am full of myself. But that's okay, because I stand as the advocate of what's best, and right now I am the best.