A short one

Does it really matter that I understand the reasons why I feel the way I do? Even though I know the thought process behind it, I can`t make myself not want it. I must have it, everytime I toss it aside, and try to forget it creeps up on me and emerges and beats me. So far I`ve been able to resist, but of course, all my life I`ve resisted, but now it`s getting harder. Well, then again it`s maybe a good thing that it`s harder for me to get I believe I want. It would mess me up. I know it wouldn`t be good for me, but I can`t help wanting it. I have to have it, because then I get upset, and feel like I`m still missing.